Isn't it funny how many curve balls life can throw at you? There’s an old adage that says “the best way to make God laugh is to tell him your plans”. It isn't the most theologically sound statement to make, but the sentiment is undeniably true. A year ago I thought I would be enrolled in medical school, married, living in a new area, and enjoying every minute of it. BOY was I wrong! I used to feel like I was the only one who felt this way but the more people I talk to, the more I realize that I am unquestionably not alone in this area. The events of the past two years… and ESPECIALLY the last 3 months have truly caused me to, once again, start from scratch and try figure out this thing called life. The most significant of these events was the birth of my nephew.
I remember how excited everyone was when my brother's girlfriend announced they were inducing her the day after Christmas. It had been a long nine months and everyone from my brother to my grandmother was relieved that the end was in sight. The journey to this point had not been an easy one for any of us. I am not going to go into a lot of details in order to protect the reputation and honor of a lot of people, but the arrival of a new baby in our family could not have come at a better time, especially for me. See, God had been working hard in my life in ways that I was not too happy about. He decided that I needed to lose everything I cared about so that I would re-center my life around Him. It worked. My eyes went straight to the sky and my heart went straight to Him.
I very quickly began to feel like Job did in the Old Testament and my way of thinking became quite a lot like his:
"If only my anguish could be weighed and all my misery be placed on the scales! It would surely outweigh the sand of the seas" Job 6:2-3
"I despise my life; I would not live forever. If I had sinned, what have I done to you O watcher of men? Why have you made me your target? Have I become a burden to you?" Job 7:16,20
"Even if I summoned (God) and He responded, I do not believe he would give me a hearing. He would crush me with a storm and multiply my wounds for no reason." Job 9:16-17
"Though I cry 'I've been wronged!' I get no response; though I call for help, there is no justice." Job 19:7
After reading that particular book of the Bible, I realized that during a time of suffering... God is still God and is not obligated to answer my questions nor is He required to explain why I am going through what I am going through (Job 38-41). As true as that is, its not very satisfying for a man who spends his life seeking knowledge and understanding. So what did I do? I tried to find them anyway!
Have you ever thought about promises? We tend make a lot of promises.
We make promises to ourselves: "I promise to get back into the gym", or "I promise to lose weight", or "I promise to pay more attention in school", or "I promise to respect myself more with my decisions".
We make promises to others: "I promise I'll get the milk on my way home", or "I promise I'll call that client for you when I get into work tomorrow", or "I promise to love and cherish you for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer..."
We make promises to God: "God, I promise if you get me through this test, I'll volunteer to serve the poor." or "If you get rid of this flu bug I'll never miss church again." or "If you just give me (blank) I'll dedicate my entire life to you."
The problem with us making promises is that we tend to fail to follow through all the time. We might be able to keep MOST of our promises MOST of the time, but no one has a 100% track record. God makes a lot of promises too. There are entire books written about the Promises of God. A few of them (not even CLOSE to the full list) are:
I later realized that the doubt wasn't really rational but was derived from my personal bitterness and anger that my life felt/feels meaningless and inconsequential. It was derived from the feeling that God had forgotten about me or perhaps even that He has no intention of giving me the ONE desire of my heart greater than all others in this world (save for the desire for God himself)... The desire to have a wife and a family. The arrival of my nephew reinforced that feeling because it pointed a big spotlight on that particular area of my life. My younger brother has achieved that which I have always wanted. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love and adore both my brother and that baby...he truly is a blessing and miracle, but nonetheless, he's a daily reminder that God has chosen NOT to bless me in that way. That really made me question one of the promises in the Old Testament that I had used for comfort and reassurance for years, Jeremiah 29:11. It says:
I remember how excited everyone was when my brother's girlfriend announced they were inducing her the day after Christmas. It had been a long nine months and everyone from my brother to my grandmother was relieved that the end was in sight. The journey to this point had not been an easy one for any of us. I am not going to go into a lot of details in order to protect the reputation and honor of a lot of people, but the arrival of a new baby in our family could not have come at a better time, especially for me. See, God had been working hard in my life in ways that I was not too happy about. He decided that I needed to lose everything I cared about so that I would re-center my life around Him. It worked. My eyes went straight to the sky and my heart went straight to Him.
I very quickly began to feel like Job did in the Old Testament and my way of thinking became quite a lot like his:
"If only my anguish could be weighed and all my misery be placed on the scales! It would surely outweigh the sand of the seas" Job 6:2-3
"I despise my life; I would not live forever. If I had sinned, what have I done to you O watcher of men? Why have you made me your target? Have I become a burden to you?" Job 7:16,20
"Even if I summoned (God) and He responded, I do not believe he would give me a hearing. He would crush me with a storm and multiply my wounds for no reason." Job 9:16-17
"Though I cry 'I've been wronged!' I get no response; though I call for help, there is no justice." Job 19:7
After reading that particular book of the Bible, I realized that during a time of suffering... God is still God and is not obligated to answer my questions nor is He required to explain why I am going through what I am going through (Job 38-41). As true as that is, its not very satisfying for a man who spends his life seeking knowledge and understanding. So what did I do? I tried to find them anyway!
Have you ever thought about promises? We tend make a lot of promises.
We make promises to ourselves: "I promise to get back into the gym", or "I promise to lose weight", or "I promise to pay more attention in school", or "I promise to respect myself more with my decisions".
We make promises to others: "I promise I'll get the milk on my way home", or "I promise I'll call that client for you when I get into work tomorrow", or "I promise to love and cherish you for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer..."
We make promises to God: "God, I promise if you get me through this test, I'll volunteer to serve the poor." or "If you get rid of this flu bug I'll never miss church again." or "If you just give me (blank) I'll dedicate my entire life to you."
The problem with us making promises is that we tend to fail to follow through all the time. We might be able to keep MOST of our promises MOST of the time, but no one has a 100% track record. God makes a lot of promises too. There are entire books written about the Promises of God. A few of them (not even CLOSE to the full list) are:
- "So do not fear for I am with you, do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10.
- "Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare." Isaiah 55:2
- "Jesus said to her, 'your brother will rise again.'" John 11:23
- "Jesus answered him, "I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise." Luke 23:43
- "I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse; and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you." Genesis 12:2-3
While we might not have a perfect track record, God does! His faithfulness is 100%. When God makes a promise, He follows through. He might not do so in our timing, He might not do so in the WAY we want, but He ALWAYS keeps His promises. As a wise man once said "Our God is a covenant making, covenant keeping God." The prophet Isaiah said (in ch 25, vs 1) "O Lord, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous things planned long ago." That is a beautiful realization!
But, like I often do, I tend to over-think things. For a while now I have questioned whether or not God still makes promises to us in the 21st century. I have searched the scriptures and tried finding proof or some sort of hope that God does still make new promises. The problem I came across is all the "hope giving" verses I found, when taken in context, were promises to sustain the nation of Israel or to bring us the Messiah, or to give us the Holy Spirit... or other promises that have already been fulfilled.
I began to doubt God.
I later realized that the doubt wasn't really rational but was derived from my personal bitterness and anger that my life felt/feels meaningless and inconsequential. It was derived from the feeling that God had forgotten about me or perhaps even that He has no intention of giving me the ONE desire of my heart greater than all others in this world (save for the desire for God himself)... The desire to have a wife and a family. The arrival of my nephew reinforced that feeling because it pointed a big spotlight on that particular area of my life. My younger brother has achieved that which I have always wanted. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love and adore both my brother and that baby...he truly is a blessing and miracle, but nonetheless, he's a daily reminder that God has chosen NOT to bless me in that way. That really made me question one of the promises in the Old Testament that I had used for comfort and reassurance for years, Jeremiah 29:11. It says:
- "'For I know the plans I have for you' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"
When I, in my hurt, looked at that particular promise in the context... I saw for the first time what it was REALLY written for. See, the nation of Israel had been taken into captivity into Babylon and they were beginning to lose heart. God had promised that they would be established as a nation forever and yet here they were in captivity. No kingdom. No country. No hope. I would have lost heart too. God made the promise through the prophet Jeremiah to reassure the people of Israel that He was still in control, that they would not lose their identity through this time of captivity and even to reassure them that it was only a temporary situation. In my studies, I saw why God would have needed to preserve Israel to keep his promises earlier in the O.T. That, unfortunately, didn't give me a lot of hope that I could even apply this verse to my own life. When Christ was born, God fulfilled the promise that necessitated Israel to be preserved. So what did that mean for me?
I felt myself becoming even more bitter, I felt myself losing all hope that the next tomorrow would be better than my today. I felt like I was reaching the point of absolute despair. Finally, a turning point came when I was reminded of something I had been taught years ago regarding the Bible. The things in scripture may have been written contextually, but everything IN scripture can still be used in life in the 21st century. It was written TO the people of that time but written FOR all people of all times. How that works exactly, is a different story but the point is that remembering that fact gave me the first shred of hope I'd had in a long time.
I can finally see that those promises were not just made to the nation of Israel but also to me. My bitterness is gone, my anger is gone, my doubt is gone. There is still more pain and longing than I have ever experienced before in my life, but the one thing that now exists that makes it bearable: hope.
By the way, if you look to the very next verses in Jeremiah 29 you'll see something quite interesting.
- "'Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,' declares the Lord." Jeremiah 29:12-14
God elaborates on His promise. He is saying that He cares. He wants to be my... He wants to be OUR God. He is exactly who He claims to be. God is faithful and God can be trusted! I realized that God knows how to bless me better than even I know how to bring blessings to myself. I think it truly is time to give over everything, even my own happiness... my desires.... my everything, to the one know knows the name of every hair on my head. No matter how well I might know myself, how much I might know what would bring be TRUE happiness... He still knows better. Really, who could do a better job of being the God of my life, Him or me? I think you probably know the answer to that one too.
-The Sailing Preacher
