Time Out! Get Still, Get Quiet...Listen. (Part 4)

Okay, so after some prayer and consideration I think this is the last lesson I'm going to be sharing from that particular retreat I went on a couple weeks ago.  However, I'm sure that there will be more (hopefully shorter) things to share in the near future and I look forward to seeing what God is working on.  He is always working on something and working in our lives and I can't wait to write about it.  Meanwhile, lets dive right into it!

By the way, if you missed the any of the previous posts they can be found at: Time Out! Get Still, Get Quiet...Listen.

LESSON 6: Whatever You Desire the Most is Likely What God is Going to Ask You To Trust Him With the Most.

     What do you want more than anything else in the world?  I'm not talking about something from a Christmas list, I am talking about that thing brings you to your knees before God.  I'm talking about the one desire (other than God Himself of course, for those of you who need it to be specified) that seems to be the missing piece to your life.  That one thing that you have not achieved or that one thing that burdens you so strongly that you can't seem to find peace without it.  I am talking about the thing that can sometimes even cause us to turn from God and do it ourselves.  For some people its a job; for others it's a spouse, or kids, or friends, or a house, or a repaired relationship, or healing of some sort, or  maybe an educational opportunity.  Sometimes, more than one of these can be applicable.  It can go on for so long that no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try and no matter how much you work for it, things just don't seem to work out.  What if... just what if... God is asking you to trust Him with it?  I mean, really, truly trust Him with it.  I want you to pause for just a minute and think about that thing in your life you want the most.  Get it in your mind and keep it there, then read on ahead as we go to the book of Genesis to take a look at one of my favorite stories in the whole Bible.
   
Genesis 15 begins:
     After this, the word of the Lord came to Abram in a vision:  “Do not be afraid, Abram.  I am your shield, your very great reward.”  But Abram said, “Sovereign Lord, what can you give me since I remain childless and the one who will inherit my estate is Eliezer of Damascus?”  And Abram said, “You have given me no children; so a servant in my household will be my heir.”  Then the word of the Lord came to him:“This man will not be your heir, but a son who is your own flesh and blood will be your heir.”  He took him outside and said, “Look up at the sky and count the stars—if indeed you can count them.” Then he said to him, “So shall your offspring  be.”  Abram believed the Lord, and he credited it to him as righteousness.  He also said to him, “I am the Lord, who brought you out of Ur of the Chaldeans to give you this land to take possession of it.”  But Abram said, “Sovereign  Lord, how can I know that I will gain possession of it? So the Lord said to him, “Bring me a heifer, a goat and a ram, each three years old, along with a dove and a young pigeon.”” 
     God then makes a promise to Abram (later renamed Abraham) and even goes so far as to go through the covenant ceremony with him.  Now there is a ton in this chapter that we can learn from, but I am going to let you read the rest of it on your own if you want to dive in further.  I will, however, explain the basics of the covenant ceremony.  When two people would make a covenant or a business agreement, they would take animals, cut them in half (unless they were too small as was the case with the birds) and arrange the halves opposite one another to create a gruesome aisle.  The two parties would walk down this path between the animal pieces as a way of saying "If I don't hold up my end of the promise, may what happened to these animals happen to me".  It's kind of a big deal when something like this happened and God just entered into a covenant with Abram.  Now when I went and read closely, I noticed for the first time just what God was entering a covenant about.
 
     Abram and his wife were quite wealthy, were quite well known, and highly respected even among the kings of the region and even though they were sorta nomads, they had everything they needed for a good life in the wilderness.  What they didn't have, however, was an heir; they didn't have a son.  After reading Abram's whole story, considering where he was in life, what he had, what he valued, I would go ahead and speculate that what Abram and his wife wanted more than anything else was a son.  They wanted a child more than anything else and I believe that Abram would have traded most anything they had for one.  Have you ever been to that point?  Have you ever gotten to the point where you prayed: "God, I would trade almost all these blessings you have given me for this one thing".  I think Abram wanted a son THAT badly.  But if you look closely, it says that when God told Abram that he would have a son "Abram believed The Lord and it was credited to him as righteousness"  It wasn't the child that Abram asked God to confirm, it was the promise of the land that Abram asked God to confirm.  The land mattered to Abram, sure, but probably not nearly as much as the child.

     I am going to start speculating here, so take what I am about to say with a grain of salt.  I think God loved the fact that Abram trusted Him with the thing that mattered most to him.  Abram didn't ask God to prove to him that He would give him a son, He took God at His word.  What if God offered the covenant ceremony to Abram because Abram trusted God with what mattered most to him.  What if God gave Abram exactly what he asked for, what he wanted most, because Abram had faith that God would come through for him for his greatest desire.

     More speculation here: God wants us to trust Him with what we want most because it'll be just that much harder to make an idol out of something that we are having to completely trust God for.

    Next speculation: Why God was so willing to answer Abram's prayers:

"Abram believed the Lord, and He credited it to him as righteousness." Genesis 15:6

So what?

• "The Lord is far from the wicked, but He hears the prayer of the righteous." Proverbs 15:29

• "The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective." James 5:16b

I'm just going to leave that one with just the verses and let you figure it out.  As I've said before... you're smart so I'm sure you'll be able to pick up on it.

Okay, so do you still have that thing in your mind from earlier?  That's okay, take a second to get it back.  Think of that thing that you want more than anything else in the world, that thing that would be the biggest answer to prayer ever.  Got it back?  Good.  Now, give it to God.  Tell Him that you are trusting Him with it.  Tell God that if it's going to happen it's because HE is going to make it happen.  Now, let go. Let go and let God work on it.  He'll give you exactly what He knows you need and when you trust Him, when you have faith.  How can we know that God will hear your prayer?  Remember the verses from just a minute ago?  Add this one to the mix:

"This righteousness is given through faith in  Jesus Christ to all who believe." Romans 3:22

We have been made righteous because Jesus made us righteous.  Trust in Him for your eternity, but trust in Him for other things too. God wants you to trust Him.  God wants to bless you, but He wants you to trust Him for those blessings.  Go ahead and give it a shot but remember that God knows what's best, and He loves you very much.

-The Sailing Preacher

Time Out! Get Still, Get Quiet... Listen. (Part 3)

    There are certain themes that always seem to accompany God, and "Faith" is one of the biggest.  It wasn't until this weekend that I really took a lot of time to make a connection between faith and living a life with God.  I'm only gonna share this one lesson, but this one is gonna be a bit long so please bear with me.  It's a really really deep topic that God taught me a lot about that I am only going to be able to begin to scratch the surface of, but I am going to try and make it worth your while to stick it out and read all the way through.

LESSON 5: God Will Never Stop Growing Your Faith

     Now a man named Lazarus was sick.  So his sisters went to Jesus and said "Lord, the one you love is sick."  When He heard this he said "This sickness will not end in death.  No, it's for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it."  They stayed where they were for two more days, then He told His disciples that they were going to go to Judea.  His disciples questioned Him about going and after responding to them, He added "Oh yeah, our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep, but I'm going there to wake him up."  The disciples began giving Jesus medical advice: "But Lord, if he sleeps, he'll get better!"  But Jesus wasn't actually talking about sleep.  He tells them "Lazarus is dead..." then proceeds to say one of the most insensitive things but also something that for me that has opened my eyes to a crazy new level of understanding of God: "...and for your sake I am glad I was not there, so that you may believe."  His disciples must have been really confused at this one.  I imagine one of them (probably Peter) saying: "Wait, so you're telling me that it's so important to you that we develop a deeper, more mature faith that a man had to DIE?"  then Jesus replying "Yep, lets go wake him up".
      After they make it back, Lazarus had been dead for 4 days and had been buried and placed in a tomb, and by this time his body had even begun to decay.  The entire village had most likely been there at his funeral, had helped with his burial, and had mourned with his sisters, Mary and Martha.  I'm not going to get into all the awesome lessons that can be taken away from what happens next, but Jesus, after talking with some people goes to the tomb where Lazarus is buried.  A crowd had gathered by this time and was watching what was about to transpire.  Jesus, standing in front of the tomb prays this prayer: "Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here that they may believe that you have sent me."  In my own paraphrase, He said: "God, you've heard my prayers.  YOU want Lazarus raised from the dead, I want Lazarus raised from the dead.  In fact, the only reason I'm praying this now is so that everyone here sees that You sent me and that You're the one that's gonna make this happen.  Okay, ready?  Lets do this!"  Then He turns to the tomb and shouts "Lazarus, come out!" 
     It says then that from the tomb, the dead man came out, his hands, feet, and face still wrapped up in the burial cloths.  Jesus even had to remind people "Hey guys, go help him take his grave clothes off!" because they were probably standing there in such shock and awe as to what they just witnessed!  Guys, there is NOTHING, NOTHING, NOTHING that our God can't do!!!  All this, all of it was done for two purposes: to deepen and mature the faith of the disciples, and to point a big ol' glorifying spotlight on God and just how sovereign, powerful, and GOOD He is!
   
     This story can be found and read for yourself in John 11, but I want to point out something.  Jesus could have gone and healed Lazarus right when he was at the point of death and He still would have been seen as a miracle maker.  Bringing a man back from the dead after all hope of a miracle had passed, however, deepened the faith of the disciples and everyone who was there like never before!  If God is able to bring someone back from the DEAD, what is there He can't do?!  At that point, however, God raised the bar for the disciples and this is where Lesson 2 really began for me.
   
     Being the kind of person I am, I like to know things.  I like to know what's going to happen to me, I like to know (even if generally speaking) what to expect, I like certainty.  I'm sure you can probably relate, most people do.  Knowing things is definitely not a bad thing either!  There is nothing wrong with knowing what you're going to have for dinner tonight, knowing what's going to be on next week's test, what your boss expects of you at work... and knowing exactly what that thing is that your dog is eating.  Those are usually really good things to know.  When it comes to knowing what God is going to be doing in your life, however, I would recommend considering not trying too hard to figure it out.  I know I am going to be getting a lot of emails about this one but before you start composing one, please just hear me out.
     God wants a relationship with us. No one is going to deny that.  God wants us to know Him, and that's why He will always answer the prayer "are you there?"  Chances are, however, He's not going to answer with a bright light suddenly appearing in the middle of a room and a big booming voice from Heaven saying "Yes, I am here!"  He's capable of it, sure, but you probably don't want Him to.  See, faith is one of those things God asks of us.  In John 20:29, Jesus says "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."  It's so important to Him that your faith be grown, that if He reveals Himself in a way that takes away your need for faith, you can almost be certain that He's going to put you through another kind of test or allow you to go through some different circumstances that pushes your faith and makes you turn to and trust in Him.  
   
     Part of what I was seeking this weekend was confirmation of some things I believe to the core of my being that God told me years ago.  I just wanted reassurance that they were from Him, and frankly I began to doubt because it seemed as though He wasn't gonna come through for me.  I just needed to know!  Was I believing a lie or should I keep hoping and trusting?  During my time away, however, I learned this very lesson and soon after, during some quiet time, I felt God telling me "Caleb, just trust me... wait...I got this...let go... I've got to work on something first."  This was something that I felt God had been telling me for weeks at that point, but it wasn't until I got away and got still that it really clicked in my head.  I shared what had happened with my old mentor and he told me "Yep, that sounds like the Big Guy."
   
     That is the kind of thing I am talking about though.  God reveals things to us, sure, but the more He does the higher the bar is set for us to be faithful, and the tests we might face could be so much more challenging.  It sounds like a rotten deal doesn't it?  It sounds as though the best thing to do is just not try and think too much about this stuff in the first place because, I mean, who wants to be put through bigger tests and challenges?  Who wants to take the risk of more suffering and hardship?  That's up to you. I'll tell you what though, if you're up for the challenge; if you're willing to trust God and go along with it and push yourself and allow God to stretch you, you'll begin to see things and you'll begin to experience things through God that you never would have thought possible!  You'll develop a depth of faith never before imagined and a trust in God that will be UNSHAKABLE!  You'll be able to see works of wonder and power, you'll see lives changed, and sometimes even witness actual miracles!  There will be days where you collapse in bed, say to God "Wow, I never could have made it through today without your direct intervention... thank you God for such an adventure!" You reach that point with God, and your life will never be the same!


Missed the last one?  Catch up in Time Out! Get Still, Get Quiet... Listen. (Part 2)
To Be Continued in:   Time Out!  Get Still, Get Quiet...Listen. (Part 4)

Pain and Promises

Isn't it funny how many curve balls life can throw at you?  There’s an old adage that says “the best way to make God laugh is to tell him your plans”.  It isn't the most theologically sound statement to make, but the sentiment is undeniably true.  A year ago I thought I would be enrolled in medical school, married, living in a new area, and enjoying every minute of it.  BOY was I wrong!  I used to feel like I was the only one who felt this way but the more people I talk to, the more I realize that I am unquestionably not alone in this area.  The events of the past two years… and ESPECIALLY the last 3 months have truly caused me to, once again, start from scratch and try figure out this thing called life.  The most significant of these events was the birth of my nephew.

I remember how excited everyone was when my brother's girlfriend announced they were inducing her the day after Christmas.  It had been a long nine months and everyone from my brother to my grandmother was relieved that the end was in sight.  The journey to this point had not been an easy one for any of us.  I am not going to go into a lot of details in order to protect the reputation and honor of a lot of people, but the arrival of a new baby in our family could not have come at a better time, especially for me.  See, God had been working hard in my life in ways that I was not too happy about.  He decided that I needed to lose everything I cared about so that I would re-center my life around Him.  It worked. My eyes went straight to the sky and my heart went straight to Him.

I very quickly began to feel like Job did in the Old Testament and my way of thinking became quite a lot like his:

"If only my anguish could be weighed and all my misery be placed on the scales! It would surely outweigh the sand of the seas" Job 6:2-3
"I despise my life; I would not live forever. If I had sinned, what have I done to you O watcher of men?  Why have you made me your target? Have I become a burden to you?" Job 7:16,20
"Even if I summoned (God) and He responded, I do not believe he would give me a hearing.  He would crush me with a storm and multiply my wounds for no reason." Job 9:16-17
"Though I cry 'I've been wronged!' I get no response; though I call for help, there is no justice." Job 19:7

After reading that particular book of the Bible, I realized that during a time of suffering... God is still God and is not obligated to answer my questions nor is He required to explain why I am going through what I am going through (Job 38-41).  As true as that is, its not very satisfying for a man who spends his life seeking knowledge and understanding.  So what did I do?  I tried to find them anyway!

Have you ever thought about promises?  We tend make a lot of promises.

We make promises to ourselves: "I promise to get back into the gym", or "I promise to lose weight", or "I promise to pay more attention in school", or "I promise to respect myself more with my decisions".

We make promises to others: "I promise I'll get the milk on my way home", or "I promise I'll call that client for you when I get into work tomorrow", or "I promise to love and cherish you for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer..."

We make promises to God: "God, I promise if you get me through this test, I'll volunteer to serve the poor." or "If you get rid of this flu bug I'll never miss church again." or "If you just give me (blank) I'll dedicate my entire life to you."

The problem with us making promises is that we tend to fail to follow through all the time.  We might be able to keep MOST of our promises MOST of the time, but no one has a 100% track record.  God makes a lot of promises too.  There are entire books written about the Promises of God.  A few of them (not even CLOSE to the full list) are:

• "So do not fear for I am with you, do not be dismayed for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10.
• "Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare." Isaiah 55:2
• "Jesus said to her, 'your brother will rise again.'" John 11:23
• "Jesus answered him, "I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise." Luke 23:43
• "I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse; and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you." Genesis 12:2-3

While we might not have a perfect track record, God does!  His faithfulness is 100%.  When God makes a promise, He follows through.  He might not do so in our timing, He might not do so in the WAY we want, but He ALWAYS keeps His promises.  As a wise man once said "Our God is a covenant making, covenant keeping God."  The prophet Isaiah said (in ch 25, vs 1) "O Lord, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous things planned long ago."  That is a beautiful realization!  

But, like I often do, I tend to over-think things.  For a while now I have questioned whether or not God still makes promises to us in the 21st century. I have searched the scriptures and tried finding proof or some sort of hope that God does still make new promises. The problem I came across is all the "hope giving" verses I found, when taken in context, were promises to sustain the nation of Israel or to bring us the Messiah, or to give us the Holy Spirit... or other promises that have already been fulfilled.  

I began to doubt God.

I later realized that the doubt wasn't really rational but was derived from my personal bitterness and anger that my life felt/feels meaningless and inconsequential.  It was derived from the feeling that God had forgotten about me or perhaps even that He has no intention of giving me the ONE desire of my heart greater than all others in this world (save for the desire for God himself)... The desire to have a wife and a family. The arrival of my nephew reinforced that feeling because it pointed a big spotlight on that particular area of my life. My younger brother has achieved that which I have always wanted.  Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love and adore both my brother and that baby...he truly is a blessing and miracle, but nonetheless, he's a daily reminder that God has chosen NOT to bless me in that way.  That really made me question one of the promises in the Old Testament that I had used for comfort and reassurance for years, Jeremiah 29:11.  It says:

• "'For I know the plans I have for you' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"

When I, in my hurt, looked at that particular promise in the context... I saw for the first time what it was REALLY written for.  See, the nation of Israel had been taken into captivity into Babylon and they were beginning to lose heart.  God had promised that they would be established as a nation forever and yet here they were in captivity.  No kingdom. No country. No hope.  I would have lost heart too. God made the promise through the prophet Jeremiah to reassure the people of Israel that He was still in control, that they would not lose their identity through this time of captivity and even to reassure them that it was only a temporary situation. In my studies, I saw why God would have needed to preserve Israel to keep his promises earlier in the O.T.  That, unfortunately, didn't give me a lot of hope that I could even apply this verse to my own life.  When Christ was born, God fulfilled the promise that necessitated Israel to be preserved. So what did that mean for me?  

I felt myself becoming even more bitter, I felt myself losing all hope that the next tomorrow would be better than my today.  I felt like I was reaching the point of absolute despair.  Finally, a turning point came when I was reminded of something I had been taught years ago regarding the Bible.  The things in scripture may have been written contextually, but everything IN scripture can still be used in life in the 21st century.  It was written TO the people of that time but written FOR all people of all times.   How that works exactly, is a different story but the point is that remembering that fact gave me the first shred of hope I'd had in a long time.

I can finally see that those promises were not just made to the nation of Israel but also to me.  My bitterness is gone, my anger is gone, my doubt is gone.  There is still more pain and longing than I have ever experienced before in my life, but the one thing that now exists that makes it bearable: hope.

By the way, if you look to the very next verses in Jeremiah 29 you'll see something quite interesting.

• "'Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you,' declares the Lord."  Jeremiah 29:12-14

God elaborates on His promise.  He is saying that He cares.  He wants to be my... He wants to be OUR God.  He is exactly who He claims to be.  God is faithful and God can be trusted!  I realized that God knows how to bless me better than even I know how to bring blessings to myself.  I think it truly is time to give over everything, even my own happiness... my desires.... my everything, to the one know knows the name of every hair on my head.  No matter how well I might know myself, how much I might know what would bring be TRUE happiness... He still knows better.  Really, who could do a better job of being the God of my life, Him or me?  I think you probably know the answer to that one too.

-The Sailing Preacher   

My take on the MCAT (and then some)

To say the MCAT is not for the faint of heart is an understatement. The culmination of years of classes, months of prayer, weeks of study, days of practice, and hours of testing, along with an abundance of prayer from people that I thought had forgotten me, and I have overcome the most formidable challenge I've ever attempted. If you’re not familiar with what the MCAT is, the most accurate way to describe it is an intellectual gauntlet prospective medical students must run in order to earn the right to be considered for one of the most competitive professions in existence.

The test is composed of four sections, three multiple choice and one essay: Physical Science, Verbal Reasoning, Writing Example, and Biological Sciences. The physical science portion consists of both physics and general chemistry, often combining elements of both into single questions. The verbal reasoning tests your ability to quickly read a passage then, extract, synthesize, and answer question pertaining to it. The writing sample presents you with two writing prompts and three questions to address about each in an essay for which you’re given thirty minutes apiece to write. The section that tests biological sciences contains material from general biology, anatomy and physiology, and organic chemistry. Each section is timed, and not generously either, a short break is offered in between: a total test time of 5 hours. As you can probably imagine by now, nobody leaves the testing center feeling refreshed and optimistic. I am no exception.

As promised, I will tell you how the test went. Simply put, it was the single hardest thing I’ve ever done. I went into the test nervous (and rightly so) as it had been several years since I’d attempted a standardized test, and the online practice tests I had taken to prepare yielded discouraging results. Nevertheless, if I ever hope to attend med school I had to endure. The preparation I had done hardly prepared me for the test, and there’s no other way to say that. The material I was tested on was different than the material I focused my studies on, the material emphasized in each section was the portion of each subject that I felt were my greatest weaknesses. The test, while requiring a knowledge of the sciences, was one in which the most successful was not the better scientist or even student, but the best standardized test taker. Now, I know you think I'm probably feeling somewhat disappointed, depressed, let down, or maybe a little discouraged. Interestingly enough, I’m not. Not at all. "How in the world is that possible?" You’re probably wondering. Well, I’ll tell you.

On my drive to the testing center, I happened to be listening to a sermon from three years ago that I had actually forgotten I had. It was regarding the story of Gideon. Truth be told, I mostly turned it on so I didn’t have to drive in silence and felt I needed something uplifting filling the air. I was mentally reviewing the reaction mechanisms for the organic chemistry when I heard the preacher mention John the Apostle. He pointed out that when John was writing his gospel, he always referred to himself as “the disciple whom Jesus loved”. This was not an arrogant position he was taking, he was not saying “Jesus loves me, ha ha, I’m so special”. John referred to himself in that way because it’s who he was. He identified himself as one who is loved by Jesus. He then asked the question: “who are you?” Not what do you do for a living, not what your hobbies are. Who are you; in the core of your being, your reason for existence, why you were put here on earth, who are you? Well, I thought about that for quite a while before coming to an answer.

For me, the answer to the question “who am I?” actually also answers the other question, you know the one that everyone asks someone who says they want to go to med school: “Why do you want to be a doctor?” The conclusion I arrived at, the reason I want to be a doctor, the very nature of who I am is this: I am a person who loves people like Jesus did when he healed them of their suffering. I don’t have any magical healing powers, but I do have an understanding that God works through doctors to heal people in a different way. To become a doctor is to fulfill my purpose. This realization significantly strengthened my resolve to get into medical school. This, however, does not explain why I am not worried about my performance on the test today. One of the most memorable, and most often quoted verses in the Bible is Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.” Well, when I left a future in pastoral ministry to pursue medicine, I did so after much prayer and a belief that I was better suited for medicine. I was understandably scared during the initial transition, but it wasn’t long after that I was reassured that this is what I was truly called to do and that God would somehow make it all work out. The Bible is filled with examples of God’s providence (or making things work out for the best) as well Him as keeping His promises. Moreover, I’ve seen example after example in my own life of exactly this theme: God working things out for the best, and somehow providing for the fulfillment of my purpose and His promises.

Even though I don’t feel confident in my performance on the test (simply because I don’t know how I did) I know that I worked as hard as I could to prepare and gave my very best, I know that somehow God will bless the work I did and even if He makes me wait a little while, He will get me into med school someday, somehow and in a way that will show His glory.

That being said, the work to prepare was indeed grueling and at times overwhelming. There were days in which I felt that God had abandoned me, and even some where I felt I was losing my faith. I would cry out for relief, rest, or even just reassurance that it was not all for nothing. When those days came, when I was desperate for help, I was not sent a heavenly being with wings, a halo, and a harp, God stayed quiet but instead sent special people into my life who would say just the right thing to encourage me and keep me going. I could not have survived without those people, too many of them to name.
Some other people I could not have done this without are the professors who taught me the basic sciences needed for the test. They’ve been more than just instructors; they’ve been mentors, teachers, and guides. They’re the ones that go above and beyond every day for students like me who are trying to forge a better future for themselves.

Finally, the most important people throughout this entire process have been people the people who’ve prayed diligently for me. In the end, regardless of anything we do to prepare, to advance, to achieve, it’s always God who makes things happen, and it’s prayers of people that moves the heart of God to act on our behalf.

In 30 days I’ll get the results of the MCAT, and I know that regardless of what the score is, somehow God will make it sufficient.

-The Sailing Preacher

Entering the Unknown

A universal desire of people is for world peace. Millions of people have devoted their lives and Billions of people have invested money in humanitarian efforts in an attempt to further the cause of world peace. Why then are we still so far away from a utopian society? Simple, we're all too different. Each person sees the world through a different set of eyes, and many have a different opinion of how the world should look. Our individuality is the greatest hinderence to World peace but at the same time is our greatest asset as humans. Through our cultural differences, through our personal uniqueness, there is one unifying trait common to all humans: Fear.


Human fears can be bizarre indeed. A couple of the more common fears are: Acrophobia, a fear of heights; Arachnophobia, a fear of spiders; Coulrophobia, a fear of clowns; Isolophobia, the fear of being alone. Some of the more peculiar fears include: Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia, or the fear of long words; metrophobia, a fear of poetry;Arachibutyrophobia, the fear of having peanut butter stuck to the roof of one's mouth; and one of the strangest of all, Zemmiphobia, fear of the great mole rat. One fear that I believe to be common to all people, to one degree or another is Xenophobia, or the fear of the unknown.



What is it about the unknown that makes us so afraid? Is it the fact that we cannot control what we can not be certain of? Is it the possibility that we cannot prepare ourselves for what we cannot predict? It's no small wonder to me that people spend so much money on TV psychics, and Magic 8 balls, and other things of the like. However, the unknown doesn't just refer to the future but instead also to things of the present and even the past which we do not understand. Why, for example, when my dog walks in front of a fan does he point his butt towards it and do a dance? I have no idea. Or why does he eat with his back right leg up? I have no clue. Or why does he feel the need every day to bark at the American Flag waving in the neighbor's yard first thing in the morning when he goes outside to do his business? I don't think I'll ever know. Those things are funny and don't really bother me. It's the other types of the unknown that scare me deeply.



A couple weeks ago, my buddy Jeff and I drove to Kansas City for two reasons. One, because my brother is going to school there and we wanted to visit him, and secondly because there's a top notch seminary out there and I wanted to investigate. When we arrived, I had amazing first impressions. Clean campus, nice part of Kansas City, friendly people, well organized, very welcoming, everything you'd expect and then some. We were immediately greeted and got to meet with an admission Representative who was able to answer every one of my questions, most of which before I even had the chance to ask them. We went on a campus tour and I fell in love with Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. After the tour was finished and Jeff stopped marvelling at the fact that the entire campus has WiFi (yes, even in the middle of the fields), we left and went to visit my brother at UMKC, some 10 miles south of where we were. We picked him up from his dorm and the three of us went to the Plaza. For anyone who's never heard of the Plaza, it's essentially a cultural center for Kansas City. It includes restaurants, theaters, shopping, apartments, and the like, and it's all very high quality stuff. Anyway, we walk around and do some window shopping, and as we emerge from a store, though I cannot remember which one it was, I suddenly felt overwhelmed. It dawned on me that I will be graduating from college in 6 weeks, and the prospect of moving to Kansas City was completely terrifying.


Interestingly enough, I have no problem entering the woods filled with a bunch of strange guys holding high powered rifles, and knowing full well that many of these men have been drinking. I can go to South America and talk to strange people about Jesus, often a sensitive topic. I find it fun to get into a rubber boat and go careening down a rocky river, just to say I did it. Why then does the prospect of moving to Kansas City fill me with such apprehension? It boggles my mind. So, on the way home, I asked Jeff about it. Both of us were stumped, so I did what I actually should have done in the first place. I prayed. I asked God why I was so afraid of the prospect of going to Kansas City, whether or not I should go there, and what I should do next. Then, I listened...


It's amazing to me how many people, when they pray, NEVER SHUT UP LONG ENOUGH TO LET GOD ANSWER!!! I mean, I've heard a prayer like this before: "Dear God, I want to thank you for today, and giving us good whether....." and they went on and on and on and on...... then they concluded with: "and if you would please tell me what I should do, that'd be great." Then they opened their eyes and began another conversation with the people in the room. I mean for crying out loud, they ask for God to answer and never give Him a chance to!



Well, before I go into a flippin' sermon here, what are you supposed to do when you desperately need direction and God is silent? When you cry out in the darkness for God to answer and you hear nothing in return? That is where I was on the return trip from Kansas City. I was not only entering the unknown, but I felt like I was trying to face it, completely alone.


Now, before I go on, this is going to seem scattered but I promise it'll all connect later on. The other night I was talking to a mentor of mine and he had asked me if I would be interested in possibly leading a chapter by chapter bible study at my old church once a week. I told him that I probably wouldn't be the best choice for that at this time because I am in what I called a "spiritual funk". I told him that no matter how much I pray, read the Bible, wait, do, say, or hope, I still hear nothing from God. I know He's there because the Bible says "I will never leave you nor forsake you" and that is absolutely true. I still see evidence of His hand in my life from time to time, but as far as direct instructions like the old days... a big fat nothin'. He then said something very interesting. He said, "What does God want you to become?" I thought for a second and gave him the answer that I was trained to give. "to become like Christ." I thought for sure he'd see through that and reprimand me for giving such a textbook answer, but instead he said "Right, now is Christ free or a slave?" I said "that's easy, He's free". He said "Caleb, you're free." I didn't know exactly what he meant at first, but he continued. "Caleb, you've proven yourself faithful to God, that you know what's right and wrong, and that you'll DO what is right. He no longer has to tell you what to do, you already know. God's basically saying 'You make a decision, and I'll bless you with whatever you decide'."


Wow, talk about a new level of realization, as well as responsibility. I mean, before, I didn't have to worry about making the wrong decision. If things went belly up, I could just claim I did my best to follow instructions, but now I have the weight of decision making on my own shoulders.


You know what's interesting, as I sit here and write this, I just realized that the last thing that I was told was "God will honor the decisions I make, and help me out. Strange to think that the God who knows each star by name because He created them all, that the God who holds the universe together, who imagined the colors of the sunset and made it happen, also knows my name and promises to "strengthen me and help me, to uphold me with His righteous right hand." (Isaiah 41:10) Why do I have to fear anything? Why do I need to be scared about venturing forth into the unknown? Why do I need to fear going to Kansas City? Why do I need to be afraid? I do not! I have nothing to fear! Then why am I still afraid.....?


This is a new experience for me, and I now have to do the most terrifying thing... going forward alone and trusting that God will take care of me.

A wave of peace just washed over me as I wrote that.


-The Sailing Preacher