Pain and Promises

Isn't it funny how many curve balls life can throw at you?  There’s an old adage that says “the best way to make God laugh is to tell him your plans”.  It isn't the most theologically sound statement to make, but the sentiment is undeniably true.  A year ago I thought I would be enrolled in medical school, married, living in a new area, and enjoying every minute of it.  BOY was I wrong!  I used to feel like I was the only one who felt this way but the more people I talk to, the more I realize that I am unquestionably not alone in this area.  The events of the past two years… and ESPECIALLY the last 3 months have truly caused me to, once again, start from scratch and try figure out this thing called life.  The most significant of these events was the birth of my nephew.

I remember how excited everyone was when my brother's girlfriend announced they were inducing her the day after Christmas.  It had been a long nine months and everyone from my brother to my grandmother was relieved that the end was in sight.  The journey to this point had not been an easy one for any of us.  I am not going to go into a lot of details in order to protect the reputation and honor of a lot of people, but the arrival of a new baby in our family could not have come at a better time, especially for me.  See, God had been working hard in my life in ways that I was not too happy about.  He decided that I needed to lose everything I cared about so that I would re-center my life around Him.  It worked. My eyes went straight to the sky and my heart went straight to Him.

I very quickly began to feel like Job did in the Old Testament and my way of thinking became quite a lot like his:

"If only my anguish could be weighed and all my misery be placed on the scales! It would surely outweigh the sand of the seas" Job 6:2-3
"I despise my life; I would not live forever. If I had sinned, what have I done to you O watcher of men?  Why have you made me your target? Have I become a burden to you?" Job 7:16,20
"Even if I summoned (God) and He responded, I do not believe he would give me a hearing.  He would crush me with a storm and multiply my wounds for no reason." Job 9:16-17
"Though I cry 'I've been wronged!' I get no response; though I call for help, there is no justice." Job 19:7

After reading that particular book of the Bible, I realized that during a time of suffering... God is still God and is not obligated to answer my questions nor is He required to explain why I am going through what I am going through (Job 38-41).  As true as that is, its not very satisfying for a man who spends his life seeking knowledge and understanding.  So what did I do?  I tried to find them anyway!

Have you ever thought about promises?  We tend make a lot of promises.

We make promises to ourselves: "I promise to get back into the gym", or "I promise to lose weight", or "I promise to pay more attention in school", or "I promise to respect myself more with my decisions".

We make promises to others: "I promise I'll get the milk on my way home", or "I promise I'll call that client for you when I get into work tomorrow", or "I promise to love and cherish you for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer..."

We make promises to God: "God, I promise if you get me through this test, I'll volunteer to serve the poor." or "If you get rid of this flu bug I'll never miss church again." or "If you just give me (blank) I'll dedicate my entire life to you."

The problem with us making promises is that we tend to fail to follow through all the time.  We might be able to keep MOST of our promises MOST of the time, but no one has a 100% track record.  God makes a lot of promises too.  There are entire books written about the Promises of God.  A few of them (not even CLOSE to the full list) are:

• "So do not fear for I am with you, do not be dismayed for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10.
• "Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare." Isaiah 55:2
• "Jesus said to her, 'your brother will rise again.'" John 11:23
• "Jesus answered him, "I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise." Luke 23:43
• "I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse; and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you." Genesis 12:2-3

While we might not have a perfect track record, God does!  His faithfulness is 100%.  When God makes a promise, He follows through.  He might not do so in our timing, He might not do so in the WAY we want, but He ALWAYS keeps His promises.  As a wise man once said "Our God is a covenant making, covenant keeping God."  The prophet Isaiah said (in ch 25, vs 1) "O Lord, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous things planned long ago."  That is a beautiful realization!  

But, like I often do, I tend to over-think things.  For a while now I have questioned whether or not God still makes promises to us in the 21st century. I have searched the scriptures and tried finding proof or some sort of hope that God does still make new promises. The problem I came across is all the "hope giving" verses I found, when taken in context, were promises to sustain the nation of Israel or to bring us the Messiah, or to give us the Holy Spirit... or other promises that have already been fulfilled.  

I began to doubt God.

I later realized that the doubt wasn't really rational but was derived from my personal bitterness and anger that my life felt/feels meaningless and inconsequential.  It was derived from the feeling that God had forgotten about me or perhaps even that He has no intention of giving me the ONE desire of my heart greater than all others in this world (save for the desire for God himself)... The desire to have a wife and a family. The arrival of my nephew reinforced that feeling because it pointed a big spotlight on that particular area of my life. My younger brother has achieved that which I have always wanted.  Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love and adore both my brother and that baby...he truly is a blessing and miracle, but nonetheless, he's a daily reminder that God has chosen NOT to bless me in that way.  That really made me question one of the promises in the Old Testament that I had used for comfort and reassurance for years, Jeremiah 29:11.  It says:

• "'For I know the plans I have for you' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"

When I, in my hurt, looked at that particular promise in the context... I saw for the first time what it was REALLY written for.  See, the nation of Israel had been taken into captivity into Babylon and they were beginning to lose heart.  God had promised that they would be established as a nation forever and yet here they were in captivity.  No kingdom. No country. No hope.  I would have lost heart too. God made the promise through the prophet Jeremiah to reassure the people of Israel that He was still in control, that they would not lose their identity through this time of captivity and even to reassure them that it was only a temporary situation. In my studies, I saw why God would have needed to preserve Israel to keep his promises earlier in the O.T.  That, unfortunately, didn't give me a lot of hope that I could even apply this verse to my own life.  When Christ was born, God fulfilled the promise that necessitated Israel to be preserved. So what did that mean for me?  

I felt myself becoming even more bitter, I felt myself losing all hope that the next tomorrow would be better than my today.  I felt like I was reaching the point of absolute despair.  Finally, a turning point came when I was reminded of something I had been taught years ago regarding the Bible.  The things in scripture may have been written contextually, but everything IN scripture can still be used in life in the 21st century.  It was written TO the people of that time but written FOR all people of all times.   How that works exactly, is a different story but the point is that remembering that fact gave me the first shred of hope I'd had in a long time.

I can finally see that those promises were not just made to the nation of Israel but also to me.  My bitterness is gone, my anger is gone, my doubt is gone.  There is still more pain and longing than I have ever experienced before in my life, but the one thing that now exists that makes it bearable: hope.

By the way, if you look to the very next verses in Jeremiah 29 you'll see something quite interesting.

• "'Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you,' declares the Lord."  Jeremiah 29:12-14

God elaborates on His promise.  He is saying that He cares.  He wants to be my... He wants to be OUR God.  He is exactly who He claims to be.  God is faithful and God can be trusted!  I realized that God knows how to bless me better than even I know how to bring blessings to myself.  I think it truly is time to give over everything, even my own happiness... my desires.... my everything, to the one know knows the name of every hair on my head.  No matter how well I might know myself, how much I might know what would bring be TRUE happiness... He still knows better.  Really, who could do a better job of being the God of my life, Him or me?  I think you probably know the answer to that one too.

-The Sailing Preacher   

My take on the MCAT (and then some)

To say the MCAT is not for the faint of heart is an understatement. The culmination of years of classes, months of prayer, weeks of study, days of practice, and hours of testing, along with an abundance of prayer from people that I thought had forgotten me, and I have overcome the most formidable challenge I've ever attempted. If you’re not familiar with what the MCAT is, the most accurate way to describe it is an intellectual gauntlet prospective medical students must run in order to earn the right to be considered for one of the most competitive professions in existence.

The test is composed of four sections, three multiple choice and one essay: Physical Science, Verbal Reasoning, Writing Example, and Biological Sciences. The physical science portion consists of both physics and general chemistry, often combining elements of both into single questions. The verbal reasoning tests your ability to quickly read a passage then, extract, synthesize, and answer question pertaining to it. The writing sample presents you with two writing prompts and three questions to address about each in an essay for which you’re given thirty minutes apiece to write. The section that tests biological sciences contains material from general biology, anatomy and physiology, and organic chemistry. Each section is timed, and not generously either, a short break is offered in between: a total test time of 5 hours. As you can probably imagine by now, nobody leaves the testing center feeling refreshed and optimistic. I am no exception.

As promised, I will tell you how the test went. Simply put, it was the single hardest thing I’ve ever done. I went into the test nervous (and rightly so) as it had been several years since I’d attempted a standardized test, and the online practice tests I had taken to prepare yielded discouraging results. Nevertheless, if I ever hope to attend med school I had to endure. The preparation I had done hardly prepared me for the test, and there’s no other way to say that. The material I was tested on was different than the material I focused my studies on, the material emphasized in each section was the portion of each subject that I felt were my greatest weaknesses. The test, while requiring a knowledge of the sciences, was one in which the most successful was not the better scientist or even student, but the best standardized test taker. Now, I know you think I'm probably feeling somewhat disappointed, depressed, let down, or maybe a little discouraged. Interestingly enough, I’m not. Not at all. "How in the world is that possible?" You’re probably wondering. Well, I’ll tell you.

On my drive to the testing center, I happened to be listening to a sermon from three years ago that I had actually forgotten I had. It was regarding the story of Gideon. Truth be told, I mostly turned it on so I didn’t have to drive in silence and felt I needed something uplifting filling the air. I was mentally reviewing the reaction mechanisms for the organic chemistry when I heard the preacher mention John the Apostle. He pointed out that when John was writing his gospel, he always referred to himself as “the disciple whom Jesus loved”. This was not an arrogant position he was taking, he was not saying “Jesus loves me, ha ha, I’m so special”. John referred to himself in that way because it’s who he was. He identified himself as one who is loved by Jesus. He then asked the question: “who are you?” Not what do you do for a living, not what your hobbies are. Who are you; in the core of your being, your reason for existence, why you were put here on earth, who are you? Well, I thought about that for quite a while before coming to an answer.

For me, the answer to the question “who am I?” actually also answers the other question, you know the one that everyone asks someone who says they want to go to med school: “Why do you want to be a doctor?” The conclusion I arrived at, the reason I want to be a doctor, the very nature of who I am is this: I am a person who loves people like Jesus did when he healed them of their suffering. I don’t have any magical healing powers, but I do have an understanding that God works through doctors to heal people in a different way. To become a doctor is to fulfill my purpose. This realization significantly strengthened my resolve to get into medical school. This, however, does not explain why I am not worried about my performance on the test today. One of the most memorable, and most often quoted verses in the Bible is Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.” Well, when I left a future in pastoral ministry to pursue medicine, I did so after much prayer and a belief that I was better suited for medicine. I was understandably scared during the initial transition, but it wasn’t long after that I was reassured that this is what I was truly called to do and that God would somehow make it all work out. The Bible is filled with examples of God’s providence (or making things work out for the best) as well Him as keeping His promises. Moreover, I’ve seen example after example in my own life of exactly this theme: God working things out for the best, and somehow providing for the fulfillment of my purpose and His promises.

Even though I don’t feel confident in my performance on the test (simply because I don’t know how I did) I know that I worked as hard as I could to prepare and gave my very best, I know that somehow God will bless the work I did and even if He makes me wait a little while, He will get me into med school someday, somehow and in a way that will show His glory.

That being said, the work to prepare was indeed grueling and at times overwhelming. There were days in which I felt that God had abandoned me, and even some where I felt I was losing my faith. I would cry out for relief, rest, or even just reassurance that it was not all for nothing. When those days came, when I was desperate for help, I was not sent a heavenly being with wings, a halo, and a harp, God stayed quiet but instead sent special people into my life who would say just the right thing to encourage me and keep me going. I could not have survived without those people, too many of them to name.
Some other people I could not have done this without are the professors who taught me the basic sciences needed for the test. They’ve been more than just instructors; they’ve been mentors, teachers, and guides. They’re the ones that go above and beyond every day for students like me who are trying to forge a better future for themselves.

Finally, the most important people throughout this entire process have been people the people who’ve prayed diligently for me. In the end, regardless of anything we do to prepare, to advance, to achieve, it’s always God who makes things happen, and it’s prayers of people that moves the heart of God to act on our behalf.

In 30 days I’ll get the results of the MCAT, and I know that regardless of what the score is, somehow God will make it sufficient.

-The Sailing Preacher

Double Life

So, it's been several months since my last post, and I do apologize. I have been on a journey of self-discovery and have learned quite a few interesting things. It's a funny thing, comming to terms with oneself. In my opinion, too few people take time enough to look within themselves and come to grips with who they really are. Among those who do, even fewer actually have enough courage to share any of that with anyone else.


It is my observation that every person lives two lives... the one they share with people and the one they live in private. Rarely does the life they live in private surpass the one they live in public in terms of respectability and reputability. It was Plato who first suggested a dualistic (double) nature to the universe. His philosophy was that there was a physical world and an immateral world and both were identical in some ways yet different in others. He theorized that the immateral world was perfect/ideal and the physical world was nothing but shadows of the ideal world. This is illustrated by his famous Allegory of the Cave. You can look it up on your own if you're curious about the full and complete details of that stuff on your own, but if you don't want to wade through all the deep thinking and analysis that is necessary to understand it, I'll cover the basics in a short paragraph, then explain why I am bringing up the works of a long dead Greek philosopher.


Plato living today would explain his theory as thus: Suppose you're looking at a chair. That chair is only an imperfect illusion. In reality, the perfect chair exists in the ideal world, the immaterial world, the perfect world, and all we're seeing is a physical copy of that perfect chair. But, because it's physical, it can never be as perfect or as real as the chair in the ideal world, and since we exist in the physical world, we can never fully comprehend nor see that ideal chair.
Having explained it not much clearer than Plato did, I will now explain why I brought that up. We all live a dualistic nature. We have an ideal life (the private one that no one sees) and a physical life (the one that everyone sees). The difference between Plato's philosophy and what I'm talking about is that because we're human and can choose to reveal ourselves as we see fit. However, not enough of us understand our double lives enough to bring the hidden one to the surface.


When we go to church on sundays, why is it that no matter how our week was, no matter what crap we tread through,when asked how we are doing, we always put on that smile and reply with the usual "I'm good thanks," and move on? Why is it that we let our friends in to deeper parts of our lives, and our families into others. No one, and I mean no one knows every deep dark secret that we have to hide. Why is that? Is it because we're ashamed of who we are?



One of the things I've been thinking about recently is Christian culture and other things that go along with it. Why is it that every human being has made a judgement of someone else. You think you're better than someone and I promise you that every person feels the same way. I know that in church, there are a TON of suit wearin', bible-thumpin', scripture quotin', blue hairs (old people) walking around and just as many church goin', worship music listenin', small group attendin', bible readin' young folks who are all the same: Self Righteous. I know this because when a young woman comes in off the street with her little baby and no daddy in sight... some people will pass judgement and ignore her while giving her "the eye", and others will think "She needs my help, I'm going to reach out to her and show her through my life that she too can be freed of her life of sin if only she accepts Christ."


Right away, the instinct is to say "that's a good thing", but lets take a look at the mind set of the person saying that. The "considerate" person really has several things going on inside of them and some of them might be as follows:
1) "Every one of us has sinned, but I have accepted Christ and now try to live a holy life, one that can be used as an example for how Christians should live."
2) "Wow, I'm sure glad my sins aren't as big as hers." or for some "Wow, I'm sure glad I don't sin like that anymore"
3) "She needs my (or at least someone's) help"

Each and every one of these things might, on the surface, seem innocuous or even good! However, this is too a dualistic reality. See, with these thoughts and ideas, the "considerate person" has elevated himself or herself above the young mother in righteous stature. There is, in fact, a term for this... Self-Righteousness. The supposedly considerate person has obviously spent a long time working to purify their lives and this holds himself or herself to be more holy than another. What this person has forgotten was that at one time or another, they too were a lowly sinner destined for Hell. Christ came into the picture and completely forgave them of their sins. Now, they live their lives completely without the need for Jesus. They're not sinners anymore by their own standard. They have all the answers and holy life. They've forgotten that they still sin on a daily basis. They've forgotten that we still need Christ, and that we are no better than the young mother.

The person who attempts to live a Holy life soon forgets that they need Christ and not long after, take the place of Christ in their own lives. They become obsessed with living Holy lives and soon become disconnected with the people still not knowing Christ. Enough years go by and they become the folks who ignore the young mother but give her the "eye". The self righteousness becomes a way of life and they become like the Pharasees of the New Testament and forget what Grace really is. The funny thing about this whole scenario is that most likely, the person has some deep sinful secrets... a hidden life, a private, secret sin that they refuse to admit to, deal with, or even ask Jesus for forgiveness for. I mean, they have already taken the place of Christ in their own lives, so they don't need Christ to forgive them! In their minds, their goodness outweighs their one little sin, and BAM! They've fallen into the same trap that people have been getting caught in for centuries... They're trying to earn Heaven by their own good works. To reference Led Zepplin, they're "Buying a stairway to Heaven". Shoot, if they keep their sins a secret for long enough, they might begin to believe that they don't even commit that sin.


I, for one, do not wish to become like the Pharasees. I would recommend that you come to grips with your own sins, stop denying that they exist, lest you too begin to believe that you're better than everybody else. Stop living a double life. Find someone to spill all your deepest secrets to. It will make certain that you never live a double life again. You'll finally be able to live the life like Christ would really want you to: completely dependent on Him!

A Disclaimer: This is not written to give license to sin, but instead to help you feel comfortable with who you are and not feel guilty while trying to pursue a deeper relationship with Christ. Ultimately the goal of everyone should be to become like Christ, but I know human nature and I know that people aren't that good.

-The Sailing Preacher

PS. If there are any questions, feel free to e-mail me.

The Next Mountain

This past Saturday, I accomplished what many never do. I graduated from a 4 year university with a Bachelor of Arts in Mass Communication with an emphasis in public speaking. If it seems like a mouthfull or that it was hard, don't let the title fool ya, they usually do. It was very easy; partially because I thrive at public speaking and partially because my expectations were low. About a year ago, a professor of mine told me that in the corperate world, no one cares what your GPA is, they only care whether or not you have a degree, experience, and are able to produce results. The only time a GPA matters is if you're trying to get into higher schooling. Anyway, I arrived at the graduation about an hour and fifteen minutes early, then spent the rest of the time before the ceremony talking to other graduates. I talked to one girl who had double majored in Spanish and Political Science, and found out she was headed to law school eventually. I also talked to a guy who I actually took some classes with, who got a degree in Mass Comm, with an emphasis in media management, and he had a couple interviews but was taking the summer off to try and recover from the last couple years. I found a friend who was continuing to grad school and hoped to become a communication professor AT Lindenwood University. I also talked with a girl who got a degree in Criminal Justice and wants to go into the FBI. The interesting part of her story is that she had a baby not even 9 months prior to graduation. Somehow, she was able to work almost full time as a server AND be a mom AND still find the time and energy to get her college degree. That astounded me. Other things that caught my attention were the number of people who were non-traditional students getting their degrees. They decided that even though they had started their lives already, it was not too late to improve themselves even further. They each found themselves faced with a mountain, and each of them conquered theirs and each of their faces beamed with pride at their accomplishment. Why is it that even though I too was among those graduates, I don't feel the least bit proud of what I've done?

Over four years ago, I remember driving up to the campus of Missouri Baptist University with my friend Joe and we were completely energized at 8 AM to be going to our first class in college. This past Saturday, I walked across a stage in front of 7,000 people, both fellow classmates and their families, shook the hand of the president of the university, and got my picture taken with my diploma cover (we don't get to pick up the actual diploma for a couple more weeks). I had done it. I had conquered my mountain. Why then do I sit in fear of an onset of depression? Why do I feel the mountain that I just climbed seem like it was nothing but a big hill? It was supposed to be tough. It was supposed to stimulate the mind, and challange the intellect. However, I don't feel like the challange was there. I don't see the huge mountain to climb. The NFL lineman to get past. The gallon of milk to chug. Perhaps that's why in my mind, my college degree isn't worth the paper it's printed on. Perhaps that's why I felt that by sitting among the 700 other college graduates, and looking around at some of the people recieving their degrees, I wondered what was so special in what I had accomplished. For some, it took everything they had just to stumble across the finish line and get that paper. For others, they just let the time slip by doing just the minimum to get the degree so they could get a job when they got done, caring nothing about the learning. Why even go to college at all. Some people receiving degrees BLEW MY MIND because of the amount of alcohol consumed and the parties attended. When they had time to do their work will remain a mystery to me. As for me, the education itself was the most important part, but perhaps that's why I feel cheated. I'm not going to chase that rabbit as a favor to you. Trust me, I could go off on my second Sailing Preacher Rant, but that's not for now.

Anyway, the next step in my journey takes me to seminary and beyond. It's supposed to be very tough to do, as most masters work is and even tougher still because it's a 3 year program rather than just two, and the subject matter is very diverse. Still, I don't feel like the challange is going to be there. I mean, just about every preacher in the country has a masters of divinity and that takes away from the difficulty, and shrinks the mountain even further. I honestly believe that the only educational mountain that exists for me is a doctorate degree of some sort. Few have it, it takes a lot of work to achieve, and carries with it a certain understanding that you have "arrived". Plus, how cool is it being called Doctor! My brother is headed into med school and doesn't really like that, but he can kiss my degree holding butt! Wait, take that back... it creates a wierd mental picture. Anyway, I suppose the only thing I can do is find little hills to tackle until seminary starts and I can begin attacking the proverbial Rockies. This does beg the question... when I do get my doctorate, what then? I suppose by that time I'll have more answers and I guarantee that you'll be reading about any new discoveries as they arise.

What is a Man?

Before I get started, I want to mention that I'm not writing this blog on my computer. Right now I am sitting on my back patio, smoking a cigar, eating cookies, and drinking and orange soda. I've also got a pen in my hand and a pad of paper on my lap. It will just have to be transferred onto the computer later.

Now, why on earth do I feel the need to do something like this? Bizarre behavior for someone who claims to be a normal guy. First of all, who said anything about me being normal? I just said that I'm nothing special, or overly spiritual. I'm just a guy who is just living his life and stumbles across answers and truths. Second of all, I felt it more... personal. More real. more... human.

People have asked me on several occasions why society is in the crapper. Why no one cares about anything but the satisfaction of their own desires, and their own entertainment. Well first of all I want you to admit that, at least to a certain degree, you too are like that. Every single one of us, no matter how altruistic we may be, still has a certain part of ourselves that is exactly as I described above. Well, there's my answer. Because if you take the little part of you that is selfish and whatnot and add it to the 300 million Americans, all those little selfish attitudes add up to one big problem. In addition to that, there is a reason we have been getting more selfish and increasingly consumeristic. The simple answer: convenience.

We now, for the first time in history, genuinely don't have to leave the comfort of our own home if we choose. With Fed Ex, online shopping, and that yellowish truck that looks like an ice cream truck but without the fun song otherwise known as the Schwan's guy. With a simple phone call, you could get a person to come and install a big screen TV, Internet, computer, and a satellite dish bringing you hundreds of channels of televised entertainment, unlimited access to the world of information, and be thrust into artificial community such as Facebook or Myspace.

Now before the heathens reading this start tossing the "H" word at me (hypocrite), I realize that A) I'm posting this on the Internet (though keep in mind that I am writing this on paper) and B) that I currently have a job designing and installing home theaters and other entertainment systems. Let me establish something. There is nothing inherently wrong with any of this stuff. The problem comes when these things are used as a substitute for reality. Secondly, my involvement with these things makes me, at least partially, qualified to comment on them. Lastly, with the proliferation of the Internet and new affordable communication and information technologies, it is becoming more and more popular for companies to encourage their employees to work form home this limiting office/cube space, but at the loss of personal interaction with other people. (By the way, working from home like this is the way that a person can pay for all the above mentioned conveniences without ever actually leaving home).

Have you ever wondered why Facebook, Myspace, Aim, and other such Internet programs are so popular? What about Reality TV? Sitcoms? Simple, because those shows are designed to bring us into the lives of others without exposing us to the risk that comes with personal interaction. We can see into the lives of others without actually having to let them see into ours. The networks, both on TV and the Internet have realized this, created artificial environments for low-risk socialization and then laughed their way to the bank as we bought into their created fantasies.
I realize that I've been seemingly all over the place so far but it all comes down to this: we've lost something as a society. Especially men. Now, I invite you to grab hold of your seat and prepare for the first "Sailing Preacher Rant".


At one time in our history, men were strong and courageous. Hard working and self-sacrificing. Now in this generation, things look quite different. Now, men have taken to seeking first their own entertainment and then those things that are the exact opposite of what we're supposed to be seeking. Our founding fathers are probably rolling over in their graves because of the men of this generation. If anyone wants to see what a real man looks like, instead of turning on your daily sitcom or referring to shows like "Gray's Anatomy" or even to reality TV like "Big Brother 47", watch the 2000 Mel Gibson movie The Patriot.

The main character is a farmer and plantation owner from South Carolina named Benjamin Martin (played by Mel Gibson). Benjamin Martin lives a few miles outside of Charlestown, South Carolina right at the onset of the American Revolution. He's a widower, a father, and a veteran of the French and Indian War. Without giving way too much of the plot for any of yo who have not yet seen it, let me compare Benjamin Martin with the average "man" of the 21st century.

Right away, we learn that Benjamin Martin is hard working. The movie begins with a scene where there is corn growing all over the place and the look of the house and fields is that of a farmer. About twenty minutes into the film, we see Benjamin plowing a field behind a team of oxen. Simply from the look on his face, it's unmistakable that what he's doing is hard work, yet he continues doing it. At the start of the film, we first meet Ben in a workshop, making a chair. Things don't work out so well for him, and he throws his failed attempt at a chair into a large pile of other failed attempts.
Compare this to a man of the 21st century. A man in today's society has an average lawn of about half an acre or less. He then then spends a large sum of money to get someone else to tend to it. Does he then use this extra time to do something productive? Does he work on his car? Does he play with his kids? Does he try and improve the world around him? Sometimes, but more often than not, he sits down in front of a large TV with an intoxicating beverage and tries to ignore everything but the glowing screen in front of him. Or, for the younger guys, he sits down with an XBox controller and escapes into a different kind of fantasy world. If a man of the 21st century actually attempts to make something like a chair, and fails... more often than not, he just gives up and buys one from a furniture company.

Secondly, Benjamin Martin is self sacrificing. As the film opens, a man on a horse rides up to the house and delivers a parcel of mail to Abigail, the house keeper. The man is post-rider. Now, keep in mind that at this time, mail was at most an every few weeks event, not a daily occurrence like it is today. When mail came at this time, it was a huge event. Anyway, at the end of the day, all the kids are in the house waiting for "dad to come back in". Ben walks in the door, over to the table where the parcel is placed, and instead of grabbing the mail, reaches for a glass and walks over to the fireplace. The next words out of his mouth were "So, what was in the mail?" The kids then race up and open the parcel. What Ben did there was comparable to letting someone else open his birthday presents.
Looking at the modern day, men seem only interested in their own selves. They sit in front of the best TV in their house and watch their favorite shows. 21st century men leave their wives and kids to use other TVs and if they are disturbed, it had better be because grandma died, someone just won the lottery, or dinner is ready. Their excuse: "I work hard to support this family, I deserve time to relax." Again I say, if the early Americans knew what men have become they'd kick the crap out of us then rub our noses on our TV screens like little dogs and say "NO!"

The last thing I'm going to compare specifically is the purpose that both men pursue. Benjamin Martin, though a veteran and hero of one war, was dragged into a second. he then leaves his kids with his sister-in-law and sets off to join the cause that would lead to American freedom. He then suffers many hardships, personal losses, and even the death of some of those closest to him, yet he never gives up. This is because he seeks a purpose that is beyond himself. Compare that to the men of the 21st century.
If you were to walk up to a man and ask him why he gets out of bed in the morning, the answer is usually one of three things: A) "So I can make money." B) "So I can enjoy the day" or C) (for single guys) "So I can get laid tonight". Along the same lines, modern college guys go through all that schooling just so they can get a job to achieve "A". It is very rare indeed that you'll ask a guy why he goes through it all and get the response "So I can make a difference."

That's all the comparisons I am going to make for now, but I promise that if you watch the movie and keep in mind what I've said, you'll see many more differences. Differences such as what kids are exposed to, personal glory, and dealing with tragedy. Not to mention courage, innovation, and perseverence to name a few.

Men and women alike should watch this movie, and my hope is that by pointing out some of this, you men will see the need to change a few things and you women will see how your man could be. For you ladies, I ask that you pray for your man and encourage him to live up to his potential. Single ladies, there are men out there that possess many of the same traits as Benjamin Martin, and I suggest that you seek one of them. They WILL treat you right and honor you as a man should.
Finally, Men, I say this knowing full well that I, myself, still have a logn way to go, but I will not stop seeking to become the MAN that I need to be. This, is a promise.

-The Sailing Preacher

Entering the Unknown

A universal desire of people is for world peace. Millions of people have devoted their lives and Billions of people have invested money in humanitarian efforts in an attempt to further the cause of world peace. Why then are we still so far away from a utopian society? Simple, we're all too different. Each person sees the world through a different set of eyes, and many have a different opinion of how the world should look. Our individuality is the greatest hinderence to World peace but at the same time is our greatest asset as humans. Through our cultural differences, through our personal uniqueness, there is one unifying trait common to all humans: Fear.


Human fears can be bizarre indeed. A couple of the more common fears are: Acrophobia, a fear of heights; Arachnophobia, a fear of spiders; Coulrophobia, a fear of clowns; Isolophobia, the fear of being alone. Some of the more peculiar fears include: Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia, or the fear of long words; metrophobia, a fear of poetry;Arachibutyrophobia, the fear of having peanut butter stuck to the roof of one's mouth; and one of the strangest of all, Zemmiphobia, fear of the great mole rat. One fear that I believe to be common to all people, to one degree or another is Xenophobia, or the fear of the unknown.



What is it about the unknown that makes us so afraid? Is it the fact that we cannot control what we can not be certain of? Is it the possibility that we cannot prepare ourselves for what we cannot predict? It's no small wonder to me that people spend so much money on TV psychics, and Magic 8 balls, and other things of the like. However, the unknown doesn't just refer to the future but instead also to things of the present and even the past which we do not understand. Why, for example, when my dog walks in front of a fan does he point his butt towards it and do a dance? I have no idea. Or why does he eat with his back right leg up? I have no clue. Or why does he feel the need every day to bark at the American Flag waving in the neighbor's yard first thing in the morning when he goes outside to do his business? I don't think I'll ever know. Those things are funny and don't really bother me. It's the other types of the unknown that scare me deeply.



A couple weeks ago, my buddy Jeff and I drove to Kansas City for two reasons. One, because my brother is going to school there and we wanted to visit him, and secondly because there's a top notch seminary out there and I wanted to investigate. When we arrived, I had amazing first impressions. Clean campus, nice part of Kansas City, friendly people, well organized, very welcoming, everything you'd expect and then some. We were immediately greeted and got to meet with an admission Representative who was able to answer every one of my questions, most of which before I even had the chance to ask them. We went on a campus tour and I fell in love with Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. After the tour was finished and Jeff stopped marvelling at the fact that the entire campus has WiFi (yes, even in the middle of the fields), we left and went to visit my brother at UMKC, some 10 miles south of where we were. We picked him up from his dorm and the three of us went to the Plaza. For anyone who's never heard of the Plaza, it's essentially a cultural center for Kansas City. It includes restaurants, theaters, shopping, apartments, and the like, and it's all very high quality stuff. Anyway, we walk around and do some window shopping, and as we emerge from a store, though I cannot remember which one it was, I suddenly felt overwhelmed. It dawned on me that I will be graduating from college in 6 weeks, and the prospect of moving to Kansas City was completely terrifying.


Interestingly enough, I have no problem entering the woods filled with a bunch of strange guys holding high powered rifles, and knowing full well that many of these men have been drinking. I can go to South America and talk to strange people about Jesus, often a sensitive topic. I find it fun to get into a rubber boat and go careening down a rocky river, just to say I did it. Why then does the prospect of moving to Kansas City fill me with such apprehension? It boggles my mind. So, on the way home, I asked Jeff about it. Both of us were stumped, so I did what I actually should have done in the first place. I prayed. I asked God why I was so afraid of the prospect of going to Kansas City, whether or not I should go there, and what I should do next. Then, I listened...


It's amazing to me how many people, when they pray, NEVER SHUT UP LONG ENOUGH TO LET GOD ANSWER!!! I mean, I've heard a prayer like this before: "Dear God, I want to thank you for today, and giving us good whether....." and they went on and on and on and on...... then they concluded with: "and if you would please tell me what I should do, that'd be great." Then they opened their eyes and began another conversation with the people in the room. I mean for crying out loud, they ask for God to answer and never give Him a chance to!



Well, before I go into a flippin' sermon here, what are you supposed to do when you desperately need direction and God is silent? When you cry out in the darkness for God to answer and you hear nothing in return? That is where I was on the return trip from Kansas City. I was not only entering the unknown, but I felt like I was trying to face it, completely alone.


Now, before I go on, this is going to seem scattered but I promise it'll all connect later on. The other night I was talking to a mentor of mine and he had asked me if I would be interested in possibly leading a chapter by chapter bible study at my old church once a week. I told him that I probably wouldn't be the best choice for that at this time because I am in what I called a "spiritual funk". I told him that no matter how much I pray, read the Bible, wait, do, say, or hope, I still hear nothing from God. I know He's there because the Bible says "I will never leave you nor forsake you" and that is absolutely true. I still see evidence of His hand in my life from time to time, but as far as direct instructions like the old days... a big fat nothin'. He then said something very interesting. He said, "What does God want you to become?" I thought for a second and gave him the answer that I was trained to give. "to become like Christ." I thought for sure he'd see through that and reprimand me for giving such a textbook answer, but instead he said "Right, now is Christ free or a slave?" I said "that's easy, He's free". He said "Caleb, you're free." I didn't know exactly what he meant at first, but he continued. "Caleb, you've proven yourself faithful to God, that you know what's right and wrong, and that you'll DO what is right. He no longer has to tell you what to do, you already know. God's basically saying 'You make a decision, and I'll bless you with whatever you decide'."


Wow, talk about a new level of realization, as well as responsibility. I mean, before, I didn't have to worry about making the wrong decision. If things went belly up, I could just claim I did my best to follow instructions, but now I have the weight of decision making on my own shoulders.


You know what's interesting, as I sit here and write this, I just realized that the last thing that I was told was "God will honor the decisions I make, and help me out. Strange to think that the God who knows each star by name because He created them all, that the God who holds the universe together, who imagined the colors of the sunset and made it happen, also knows my name and promises to "strengthen me and help me, to uphold me with His righteous right hand." (Isaiah 41:10) Why do I have to fear anything? Why do I need to be scared about venturing forth into the unknown? Why do I need to fear going to Kansas City? Why do I need to be afraid? I do not! I have nothing to fear! Then why am I still afraid.....?


This is a new experience for me, and I now have to do the most terrifying thing... going forward alone and trusting that God will take care of me.

A wave of peace just washed over me as I wrote that.


-The Sailing Preacher

Flying into Clairity

Ever since I was a little kid and I first looked up at a bird flying in the sky and thought "Hey, that'd be fun!", I've always loved airplanes. That's why I was really excited about today. My uncle has his pilot's license and the other day told me that he had reserved his flying club's airplane for this morning. He asked if I would like to come along (as if he didn't already know the answer). So, around 11:00 this morning, I found myself pulling up to Creve Coeur Airport in my green Chevy pickup with my brother Clark, and staring at the planes zipping about in the sky overhead. My uncle had been flying for about an hour before so he was already waiting for us near the pilot's lounge. He looked at his watch and said "let's go, we've got the plane til 1:00 and we're gonna make the best of it." So, we hopped in, my brother in the back seat and me in the co-pilot chair. We buckled up, and then let him go over his pre-flight checklist. If anyone has the chance to go flying in a small, 4 seat cessna, I highly recommend doing so because it gives you a whole new perspective on things. You get an idea of how much a pilot has to know before he can fly a plane. You get to know what it's like to be strapped securely into a seat and feel like you can withstand anything. But most of all, you get to see the world from a whole different perspective.

Take it from someone who's been on several large passanger airliners; flying in a small plane is NOTHING like those big behemoths. When my uncle started the plane, taxied to the runway, and began his final takeoff checklist, I could feel the blood pumping through my veins. I had been through this before, and I knew that everything was going to be OK. I knew enough about planes to know that all pilots are anal-retentive about upkeep on their planes, and for good reason. They don't want to be flying along at 4000 feet and all of a sudden have part of their wing fly off. Now, trust me... they're not keeping two because they're greedy, but because you need two wings to stay UP! Anyway, my uncle is a very smart man and there are few people I would rather have as my pilot. He has been flying small planes for 15 years and has a degree in Aeronotical engineering from what is now Missouri School of Science and Technology. He KNOWS what he's doing. So I don't have a single fear in my mind as he revs the engine and we start speeding down the runway.

Something else that you don't get from flying in the big passanger jets is the full view of the world around you. You see the world from a tiny, rectangular window and that's all you get to enjoy. With the cessna, you see EVERYTHING. You see the ground next to you, next to the person on the other side of the aircraft, behind you, and DEFINATELY unlike those big jets, you get to see what's in front of you.

The runway below us sped by as I wondered how long it would take to gain enough speed for liftoff. Right as the thought crossed my mind, I felt the plane suddenly defy gravity and lift off the ground. We climbed higher and higher, and I just stared out the window as the ground was left behind. I can honestly say that though I've been flying with my uncle many times, it never ceases to mystify me, looking down and seeing the ground to which I am bound no longer have hold of me. For the time being, I truly am... free. We climb to an altitude of around 3500 feet and level off. My uncle asks where we'd like to go, and the verdict is: South. We wanted to go see the Meremac River (which had been flooding), and other points of interest to the south. This was especially appealing to me because usually we fly west due to the fact that we live in that direction, and it's always interesting seeing your house from the air. This time, though, would be a change.

Flying south, we quickly left the area that I was familiar with. Travelling between two points completely changes when you're in a plane. You're not held back by roads, or speed limits, or traffic congestion. You have only clear sky and space through which to travel. You're only limited by the size of your engine and aerodynamics of your plane. The plane we were in had a maximum speed of about 170 knots, which was about 200 miles per hour, though they recommend not exceeding 140 knots or 160 miles an hour. Most of the time, we cruised along at about 120 knots or 140 MPH. It was phenominal the things we saw. Farmland, woods, houses, SIX FLAGS OVER MID AMERICA (which I always thought was MUCH bigger), radio towers, and some sort of brush fire. We made it all the way down to Park Hill, MO and St. Joe State Park in 40 minutes or so! By car, that would have been a 2+ hour journey. After flying over the park and watching a bunch of people playing around on their dirt bikes and ATVs, and a couple of wipeouts, we started flying back.

We decided instead of flying back to Creve Coeur, we'd first go by Washington, MO and just see that town from the air. It took us 22 minutes to fly from St. Joe state park in Park Hill to Washington Missouri. Amazing. Looking at the time, however, we realized that time was getting tight, so we made our turn north east and headed home. The way back was a very interesting time because when we were still a ways off, I began seeing the city of St. Louis. Not the skyline, but the people's houses. I mean, I had seen them on the way out, but now I really started paying attention. I remember looking at all of the houses, and thinking about the people living in them. I began thinking about myself and exactly where I was. I realized just then that I was in an airplane, flying over my home city having just covered more distance in two hours than most people would be able to cover in five, and that I had an entire world of possibilties open to me.

We landed safely back at Creve Coeur, and my uncle had to put the plane away. After helping him clean things up a bit, my brother and I thanked him for taking us, then headed home. On our way back, I looked around at the cars beside me on the highway and wondered about the people inside. I wondered if they had ever gotten to experience anything like what we just did. I wondered if they had any dreams that were fulfilled, or which ones they gave up on so they could achieve some temporary happiness. I wondered if their view of the world would always be limited to such a "flat" perspective. I know it sounds cocky, but I pitied them.

When I got home, I sat in my recliner (the one that I sit in when I need to think or when I'm being especially intentional in seeking God) and prayed and reflected. I realized why there are so many people that fail to follow through with their dreams. Ready for this? People don't follow through with their dreams because they get distracted with life. Work, school, family, friends, obligations, medical problems, whatever; they get distracted. I too would have gotten distracted from my dream if it weren't for the absolute clarity of it as well as the inherant intensity of the vision. This dream is a vision of a world filled with people living for and loving thier Creator as well as each other. People seeking only to further His kingdom and not their own glory. How can that not be absolutely compelling? Yet, for some reason, the pull of the world and distractions of those things mentioned above is still very strong. I think that activites like today's airplane ride are absolutely necessary to maintain focus, and regain perspective when you've been distracted for too long.

-The Sailing Preacher

"Money Money Everywhere, but Not Enough for Me"

Call me crazy, but the first thing I want to talk about is money. Yes, the old greenback. Money: The thing that makes billions of people get up each morning at an ungodly hour to go someplace they can't stand. Money: The cause of more fights in marriages than anything else in the world. Money: what makes someone like Donald Trump able to host the MISS AMERICA PAGENT! Jeez! If that doesn't say something about the influence of money over people's sanity, I don't know what does. I mean for crying out loud, the guy looks like a beakless duck! Anyway, as I was saying. Have you ever noticed how the money you need never seems to be around when you need it! Or at least, it's never there in my case. For some reason, the harder I work, and the more I try to save, the more expenses seem to arise. A bogus traffic ticket here, an extra college class there, car trouble. It never seems to stop, and the more I try to work to pay for all these things, the farther away I seem to get from being able to save for the future. It started getting me a little depressed recently. I can never seem to get ahead. Even buy some of the basics, I.E. a new printer because my old one doesn't work with my new computer. (yes, I realize the irony of what I just said, but be patient.)

Back in February, I remembered a verse from the Bible. Yes, you knew this was coming as I did say I am a preacher. Anyway, the verse is Malachi 3:10. It says: "Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD almighty "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it." I continued reading on through 11 and 12 as well to make sure I was getting the whole context. (This, by the way, is a common mistake made by people who want to make the Bible say what they want to hear, rather than hearing what it has to say.) After reading it, I realized that this was the only place in the Bible where God says "test me". So I decided to do just that. I felt that if God promised to throw open the floodgates of Heaven and pour out blessings, He would. I began to try and outgive God. , I have been giving faithfully to my local church and God has blessed me with over 300 dollars that came out of seemingly nowhere. However, I said I had continued reading. I noticed that immediately following verse 10, it talked about God protecting the fields of the faithful, and other nations calling them blessed, "for (Israel's) will be a delightful land."

I had to sit on that one for a while, but then today I realized that it is not about you giving God a 20 and getting back a 50. So what is it about?
Money is the absolute hardest thing for a person to let go of control over. People freak out when it comes to their cash. You could almost say, they worship it. They idolize it. Those who don't have much constantly seek to get more. People who have a lot, use it. Now, don't get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with wanting to improve yourself financially, nor is there anything wrong with having money and enjoying it. But, it happens too often that a person will put their money, or lack thereof before God. God asks for an offering to show Him that you care less about your money than you do Him, and that you're willing to trust Him that He'll take care of you.

I am not going to sit here and lie to you, and say that I've got it right 100% of the time. In fact, over the last couple weeks I've been stressing out more about money that even school! However, I do know that I need to sit back, keep working diligently, know the difference between a want and a need, and trust that the Lord will provide.

Tonight, after work I began stressing out over something that needs to be paid for by the first of the month. In addition to my semester at Lindenwood, I've been taking a class at UMSL that LU does not offer so I can graduate with a degree in Public Speaking. Unlike Lindenwood, since it was a single class, I was able to receive no financial aid, and am having to pay just over 900 dollars for this one class. I've been working long and hard and paid off half of it, but other expenses came up and I feared I would be unable to make the final payment. Then I remembered something. Three days ago, I had gotten a credit card, with a very special promotion: 0% APR for the first 6 months. This was definately a gift sent from God before I even knew I needed it. I will be able to pay the bill now, and will have NO trouble paying off the card IN FULL within the next 2 months INTEREST FREE! God, you do provide for all our needs. We just need to stay faithful in our giving, and trust in you to provide. Now, if you could just help me figure out Seminary... that'd be awesome!

For any of you still reading, HOW IN THE WORLD WERE YOU ABLE TO STAY FOCUSED?! I was writing all this and had a hard time concentrating. Jeez, you must be a better person than I am.

-The Sailing Preacher

Welcome Weary Travellers

My name is Caleb. I'm known as the Sailing Preacher. This came about in two ways. The first of which is the fact that I'm a preacher, and I love to sail. Pretty straight-forward I'll admit, but it's who I am. The second reason, however, is a bit more cryptic. Most people have an image in their minds when they think "clergy". Most of the time, the image that emerges is an older man, wearing all black but with a white collar. Sometimes, people will get a more realistic picture. They will picture a middle aged man who looks like any other guy, but has a certain peace and wisdom about them. They seem stable and secure. I am neither of the above. I'm an adventurer at heart. Just like the explorers in the time of Columbus, Magellan, Dias, and Coronado, I too am one who loves taking risks and seeking out new adventures. The reality is, a preacher, for the most part, goes through the exact same things that everyone else does and my goal is to share how I deal with them. I plan on writing about life experiences, thoughts, feelings, and disappointments. Well, maybe not feelings. I am a guy after all, and you know... we don't have feelings. The point is, my life will be here for all to share. Enjoy!

-The Sailing Preacher